Different for Bella
by mjdanny
Summary: One-shot. "Bella knows exactly who she loves more. He's the man who never leavers her mind. He's the man of her dreams, but she's not the girl of his." Mid New Moon. Slight E/B, J/B, but mostly just B


**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

**A/N: Hello my fellow readers! This is my first one-shot, but it just hit me, and I needed to write it. I have a story that I need to update, but I wanted to post this first. It takes place mid New Moon. Yes, Jacob is a werewolf, I just didn't mention that fact in my one-shot. It's a bit depressing, but I liked the idea, so...yeah. Enjoy and review! **

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It was different for Bella.

Her heart had been broken, just like millions of people around the world. Her best friend, Angela, had been broken by her high school sweet heart, Ben. Her father had been broken by her mother's departure. Mike had been broken by Bella.

But people get over heartbreak. People move on. Angela moved on, and married a man she met in college. Her father married Sue Clearwater. Mike had married Jessica. Everyone moved on, and found love at the end of the line. For them, heartbreak had been hard, but easy to fix and forget.

For Bella, it was different.

She never moved on. She never mended her broken heart. She couldn't stop the memories from flooding her every thought, even when she was unconscious. All of the 'what ifs' had been considered. She knew how to hide everything.

Bella knows how to hide her thoughts and emotions from Jacob Black, her husband. She knew how to be happy for her children. She's learned to fake a smile and laughter. Bella has learned to insert sincerity whenever she insists that she's perfectly okay. She's mastered the art of lying about her tear filled eyes with simple lies about allergies.

When her daughter questions the crescent shaped scar on her hand, she has discovered how to store the shiver that she can release in private. When her son asks if she was ever with anyone other than his father, she knows how to grin and say of course not. Who could she love more than Jacob?

As far as her children, husband, and everyone else in the world knows, the answer is no one.

But Bella knows differently.

She knows exactly who she loves more. He's the man who never leaves her mind. He's the man of her dreams. He's the man who knows when she's lying. He's the man who always knew how to make everything bad or painful in her life disappear with a simple smile.

But everyday, she puts on the same mask of happiness to hide all of her lies. Everyday, she makes breakfast for her family, wishing more than anything that she could run away from the life she never wanted. Everyday Bella looks at her husband, wondering if he picks up on even a blip of her pain. And if he doesn't, how can he sit there and say that he loves her? Worse still, how can she say it back?

Everyday she wishes she had just ended her life before it got too complicated, because now that she has 'the perfect life', she can't. People think she's happy, so Bella has to continue the show. With the script perfectly revised and imprinted permanently in her brain, she goes on with her life, retelling the same lines as always.

Bella knows what people would react if she ever gave the slightest clue that she still loves him. They would scream and shout at her. They would say it has been over 15 years. They would say that he's moved on. They would say that Bella should move on. After all, it was only a high school romance.

It was different for Bella.

He was her life. He was the reason she ever felt happiness. He was the life she'd chosen.

Edward was only reason Bella was still alive.

Though, sometimes, she wishes that he hadn't saved her life, because then she wouldn't need saving anymore. She wouldn't need to be saved from her own personal hell. If he had just let the van kill her, she wouldn't be suffering like she is.

But Bella didn't blame him. Oh, how she was doing anything but. No, she blamed herself. She blames herself.

She was a fool for believing that Edward could ever love her. She was a fool for loving him at all, especially since she can't stop loving him. Bella always sticks with her decisions, no matter how painful it is.

Bella looked to her left where her sleeping husband lay. Jacob is nice, she'd thought once she realized the turn their friendship had taken years ago. Jacob would be a nice husband, someone her parents and friends would approve of. Maybe if I pretended to move on, I could believe it so much that I actually _do _move on.

This never happened. After dating Jacob for almost 3 years with no change, he asked for hand in marriage. The moment his knee hit the ground, she realized then and there, no one would ever be able to replace her heart. No one will ever be Edward.

Bella said yes.

Bella shook her head, and climbed out of the bed softly, careful not to wake Jacob. She tip toed to the bathroom, locking the door. Bella stared at herself in the mirror.

Her face showed signs of early wrinkles from smiling too much, an effort to prove to the world that she was happy. Her skin was pale as ever. Her hair was now a dull, unhealthy looking brown. She was probably too thin, but that was no change from two years ago.

Finally, Bella stared straight into her eyes. Her once big, brown sparkling eyes were now almost a rusty brown, and very dull. Her eyes hadn't sparkled in over 15 years. But today, her eyes were especially dead.

16 years ago today, her boyfriend of less than a year, had told her that she held no special place in his heart. Her simple high school romance had ended. The life she'd chosen was suddenly no longer an option.

Collapsing to the ground, Bella began sobbing hysterically.

It was different for Bella.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Now, click that pretty purple button and review please! **


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